And answers for most of the questions

Humor by John Garvey

How quickly things changed. Over the course of only a few months in late 2012 and early 2013, I went from wide-eyed disbelief at the fact that we had actually legalized cannabis by ballot in Colorado to feeling like driving past a dispensary was no more remarkable than driving past a tire shop. Recreational marijuana has been legal in Colorado and California for 13 years now, and 22 other states have since followed suit. 

I’ve followed the culture and industry closely over the years, reflecting and writing a lot about how it all reflects on culture and society. Here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately:

Can something properly be considered rebellious if pensioners are okay with it? 
Who cares? You’re too old to be rebellious in the way that worked when you were young. The way to be rebellious as an adult is to sabotage a crypto-mining operation. So do that, instead.

Was people’s irrational dismay about weed part of what made it enjoyable? 
Yes. When I was younger, part of the charm of marijuana was that it offended people who had nothing better to do than get offended. And now you run into a lot of those same people in dispensaries. 

How many annual cannabis sales are directly tied to Mitch saying “Happy Tuesday” at the office?
The need to cope with the banality of corporate life is estimated to drive 74 percent of all marijuana dispensary revenues. In fact, one third of all industry sales are directly attributable to microaggressions on corporate Slack and email accounts. 

If you simply eliminated the words “deliverable,” “UX,” “top-of-mind,” “EOD,” “level up,” “best in class,” and “engagement” from America’s corporate lexicon, the cannabis industry would probably fail.

Does destigmatization make cannabis less fun?
Without the aura of transgression, weed is less fun by a small margin. But being middle aged makes everything less fun by a large margin, so maybe I’m just getting mixed up.

Is there even a counterculture anymore?
Hippies are investors, liberals are now squares, and traditional journalism is decaying at a rate that should alarm everyone. 

There has to be a culture for there to be a counterculture. 

Can something your parents enjoy be cool?
Your parents used to argue with you about legalization. Now your dad gets high with your adult son. This makes you feel like a grandparent. In response, you have started making abstract art.

Can I hire a service that will send people out masquerading as cops so I feel young again?
I asked. It is illegal to imitate a cop, unless you’re a stripper, in which case you get a four-minute window. 

Why do I miss the fear of ticketing and prosecution that used to plague me?
I’m a white guy, so the fear that used to come with smoking weed when it was illegal was right there in the Goldilocks zone. On the handful of occasions I got high before I was in my late 20s, I always knew my choices were upsetting someone: the same someone who set speed traps and looked down his nose at teenagers: The Man. The Man was petty, officious, and talked to me like I was eight years old, so I felt like I was poking a stick in his eye.

That simple pleasure is over. On several occasions since 2012 I’ve passed cops on the sidewalk while high and we just wave to each other. I miss feeling like I was in a game of cat and mouse. 

Pretty sick stuff, but it’s true. 

That naturally brings me to my next question:

Where can I get weed that has that nostalgic skunky smell with faint notes of gasoline?
Scent is the sense most strongly tied to memory, and for some adult consumers, I suspect, the distinct smells of illegal weed from bygone years would really tug on their heartstrings. There has to be a market for middle-age adult cannabis consumers who miss smoking illegal weed.

Are vape cartridges as bad as single-use plastics?
The use of vape pens and cartridges is unambiguously harmful to both public health and the environment. We shouldn’t be using these products.  

Embrace the minor inconveniences of smoking flower. It’s better for you because it has a natural moderating effect on your own use. It’s better for the environment. Seriously, if one person who reads this stops using vape cartridges that are helping to poison our water and soil, it will make the entire article worthwhile. 

(Bonus Question) Am I too old to believe in the Weed Fairy?
I wrote an article a year ago about the relationship between cannabis and creativity, in which I largely deferred to the literature on the topic over my own experience. My conclusion was that cannabis is, at best, overrated as a creative stimulant. But when the Weed Fairy tells me to do something, I listen. If she tells me to run five miles, I run five miles. If she tells me to make abstract art, that’s what I do. If she tells me to play a Gregory Alan Isakov song on guitar, I obey. 

No, I am not too old to believe in the Weed Fairy.