Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images

With Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez’s wedding just days away, there are several things to keep your eye on. What will Sánchez’s dress look like? Will protesters in Venice successfully disrupt any of the many celebrations? Is the wedding happening on land or aboard the mighty Koru? Those are all perfectly fine questions; however, the most intriguing subplot of the wedding has almost nothing to do with the betrothed couple at all. It’s Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry, who are reportedly on the rocks after Perry’s highly publicized space flight with Sánchez. Amid rumors about their relationship unraveling, Bloom is reportedly planning to attend the wedding solo.

On Tuesday, TMZ reported that Bloom was ready to live it up at Bezos and Sánchez’s wedding. “He’s the life of the party and he’s gonna hit the dance floor hard,” a source told the site. TMZ was careful to couch its language about Bloom and Perry’s relationship status, writing that “all indications are … [Bloom is] now a single man” and “Orlando may make his debut as a single man.” Perry, who is close friends with Sánchez, is reportedly not attending due to her tour schedule.

Tabloids have been reporting for a few weeks that Bloom and Perry, who got engaged in 2019, are heading toward a split. Peopleinitially reported that the couple was experiencing “tension” and followed that up with a source saying they were “pretty much done.”

According to these sources, issues in the relationship were exacerbated by the poor reaction to Perry’s 143 album and her widely derided trip to space with Sánchez. Now, deciding which member of the couple gets to go to the wedding is reportedly causing even more strife. “Katy feels like they’re really her friends more than his, and yet he’s the one going to the wedding,” a source told the Daily Mail. “And he’s insistent that he goes, which annoys her because he’s not particular [sic] close to either of them. She feels like it’s a ‘fuck you’ to her from him.”

“He complains about her going to space, and then wants to go to the wedding of the people who made it possible for her to do this in the first place,” the source added. “That’s difficult for her to accept. They’re already spiraling and now the wedding is another thing that they have to fight about.”

There is actually a very easy solution to this problem: Lauren Sánchez should kick Bloom out. This is not even about being pro-Perry, it’s about being pro-friendship. These two women are close enough that Perry attended Sánchez’s bachelorette weekend. Any good friend would not let their bestie’s (alleged) soon-to-be ex-fiancé attend their wedding without the friend in question.

Sánchez and Bezos aren’t really the types to take a principled stance on much, but surely they can make an exception here. If they’re too cowardly to uninvite Bloom, they can at least take a side by having someone “accidentally” bump into him while holding a glass of Merlot.