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Climate change. Like discussions about the monarchy or world leaders, it’s one of those topics that inevitably comes up at the Christmas dinner table or after a few jolly drinks, one way or another.

Uncle Jim might make an out-of-the-blue, uninformed comment about Greta Thunberg. Cousin Mary might start saying something about how renewable energy isn’t reliable. And that’s before Grandpa John starts waxing lyrical about how climate change is just weather, loudly declaring that ‘we’ve always had storms’.

Is it a case of biting your tongue or going on an impassioned monologue? Should you make the case for climate action? Or sit quietly in a corner and feel the dark cloud rise over your paper party hat?

Well, we’ve got you covered, with top tips from an expert change-maker.

You don’t have to engage in climate conversations – unless you want to

Solitaire Townsend has been in the green business a long time, as the ‘chief solutionist’ and co-founder of Futerra, a change agency that pursues the mission of ‘making sustainable development so desirable it becomes normal’.

She also authored the award-winning book, The Solutionists: How Businesses Can Fix the Future.

So Townsend knows a thing or two about when to get involved in a conversation about climate change this Christmas – and when to steer clear.

And, if you do decide to go ahead with your family climate lesson 101, she has some fantastic ways to navigate through any difficult questions and reactions.

“It’s been a long day. A few ‘comments’ from your [insert family member/old friend here] have already raised your blood pressure,” Townsend says.

“You’ve exhausted safe topics about the kids, the food, the weather… and [insert person] dismisses, discredits or denies the issue you care passionately about.”

“It’s time to stand up for what you believe in. Because that’s the right thing to do…right?” she ponders.

What do you do? Is it your duty to educate your loved ones and win them over? Or is it better to stay silent?

Townsend advises that you trust your instinct and how you feel in the moment.

“You absolutely are NOT required to speak up,” she says. “If your mental health, physical or financial safety or core support relationships would be damaged, then leave the space. Play with the kids or pets. WALK AWAY.”

It’s important to protect your peace, she says, as once the holidays are over, “we [the movement] need your passion, energy and commitment,” adding that the only person a huge family argument will make a difference to is, if we’re honest, yourself.

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When you do speak up, put yourself in the other’s shoes

The festive period is just one time of year when you could have climate conversations, so you might prefer to wait for another time when you can have easier one-on-one conversations.

In some families, debates over the festive period are encouraged, and so it may feel safe and worth speaking up to get across your point of view.

Townsend says it’s worth speaking up at this time of year “so the kids in the family, and others, hear your perspective”.

And when you do, she has a pearl of wisdom to offer: “Family arguments about climate change are NEVER about climate change – they are all about family dynamics.”

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She suggests that you don’t focus on trying to convince the person who is challenging you. Instead, she recommends that you “think of arguments and stories to convince everyone else”.

We all know that climate deniers are unlikely to have a change of heart, even if they’re happily munching on their brussel sprouts with gravy.

Climate change is personal – for everyone

Consider who you are engaging with so you can tailor your conversation to their level. Save the charts and diagrams for the office and instead fill your arguments with heart, not numbers.

When you’re attempting to change a viewpoint, you have to first get through a wall of fear, so as tempting as it might be, don’t leap right into your counterarguments. Aim to properly listen to the concerns being raised so that you can find common ground.

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“Go easy on facts and stats and instead address family concerns,” Townsend says. What’s more, you can make it personal by connecting the dots. “Frame climate change in Niece K’s asthma, Uncle B’s problems finding work, Sister J’s interest in science,” she adds.

Similarly, avoid jargon which could alienate your audience.

When climate conversations get heated, keep your cool

If your discussions do get heated and start edging from a friendly debate into full-blown argument territory, do your best to lighten the mood by focusing on easy-access topics.

Repeat any concerns you are hearing to show you hear and understand them, whether that’s about lifestyle changes, costs, or inconvenience.

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Avoid coming across as defensive or aggressive – as any public speaker will tell you humour is a much more powerful way to win the crowds.

And what’s the best line to use when confronted with climate denial?

Townsend’s favourite is, “Wow, I can’t tell you now much I WISH that was true. I wish climate change wasn’t happening. I hate that it is happening, but I accept we’ve got to do something about it.”

If you’re being challenged by elders, Townsend recommends you pay a compliment: “I actually learned from you that it’s better to face up to things like this. You’ve faced some hard truths other people would have ignored.”

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“Research shows people are more likely to accept climate change when reminded they’ve overcome big personal challenges!” adds Townsend.

Don’t play into the perfection argument

You’ll know yourself that global climate change can feel overwhelming, so you might be better to chat about regional issues.

Avoid going down the rabbit hole of major societal change, and instead always move your conversation back to the small individual or community-level steps that make up the big picture.

Focus on the solutions, not the problems. If you have a few inspiring local action examples up your sleeve, even better, but do keep it human-centred and relevant to your family. Perhaps it’s that community garden or allotment down the road that has ample free veg for all in the summer, or the solar panels that’s keeping the town hall’s lights on and already earning money back from the national grid.

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“Bring the conversation back to saving money, making the home smarter, getting healthier, making sure the kids get good job prospects,” suggests Townsend.

You can also share your own experience of how you better understood climate issues, where and why you did your research, and how you’re doing your bit. Just be aware not to come across as preachy.

And, warns Townsend, “never promise perfection”. A good line she recommends throwing in from time to time is ‘I’m far from perfect on all this. But we need millions of people doing a bit, rather than a few perfect greens’.

Townsend has one more final word of wisdom: “Remember that the world desperately needs a lot more love, respect and laughter right now rather than more big vicious family bust ups”.

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So now that you’ve started these climate chats, you can continue sharing positive initiatives and hopeful stories throughout the New Year too. After all, what else is a family WhatsApp group for?